Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
