someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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