the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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