Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
