Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
