You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
