My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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