Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
