i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize