AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
