very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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