Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
