dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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