So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
