I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
