Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
