nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
