you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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