But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
