Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
