you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
