I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
