She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
