i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
