I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
