So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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