wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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