whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
