They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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