i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
