watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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