Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
