I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
