Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
