Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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