my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
