Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love you.
Bad choice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
