I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wear drunk well.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
