Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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