If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize