you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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