I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize