The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
