I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
