My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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