My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
