i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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