I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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