Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is classic penis vs brain.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
