Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
