Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Welp...herpes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
