I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
