Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
