Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
