Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
