If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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