Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
