Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
