I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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