Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
