2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
