Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
