If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Farmville is her only friend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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