i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
