We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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