drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
